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5 Ways to Know Who’s “The One”

Here are five ways to know if he or she is “the one!" By Amy & Brandon Toy

The dating world is a scary place to be, but making the decision of whom to marry can feel even scarier! Here are five ways to know if he or she is “the one.”

1. They will bring you closer to God

If you are dating someone, and they are either distracting you from your relationship with God, or are not actively helping you develop a deeper relationship with God, then God is not behind the relationship! If you want a godly marriage, you must have God at the center. If the person you are dating is truly God’s choice for your life, then it stands to reason that being with them will bring you closer to God.

2. They will share your fundamental values, morals, and ethics

When my husband and I first met, we were astounded at how many of our core beliefs matched up! We obviously did not agree on everything, but our core beliefs were the same. We both had never met anyone who matched our beliefs so well.

3. Your friends and family approve

If you have friends and family you respect, who have godly character and good insight into your personality, they should approve of your relationship. When my husband and I got together, I had so many friends and family members tell me they had never seen me happier. Across the board, those closest to us confirmed that we had found someone very special and that they were excited to see the relationship progress. When you meet God’s choice for your life, you will change for the better. Your friends and family should be able to see this change and encourage it! If your trusted family and friends are all negative about your relationship, something is amiss.

4. You will feel joyful

If this person is the one, you will be filled with joy! You will probably be the happiest you have ever been! Personalities are different, and different people will express this joy in different ways, but you will feel sheer delight and happiness that surpasses anything you could have imagined—you will find them immensely attractive, appealing, irresistible, and delightful! If you don’t feel an overwhelming sense of joy and happiness when you are with them, that is a red flag!

5. You will feel peace

If I had to sum up how to know who is “the one” in one step, it would be this one. When we are truly following God’s will for our lives, He gives us peace. Peace that passes all understanding. Peace that goes beyond anything we could experience without His involvement.

Our world is not a place of peace. It is a place of turmoil, confusion, and tension. It is a world that continually seeks to stir up discontentment and discord. But God is not a God of disharmony. When we are on His path, He gives us the strength and resolve to rise above the worries of this world. When you meet God’s choice for your life, things won’t be perfect. Things will go wrong at one point or another. You will have ups and downs. You will get upset, hurt, and mad over things. That is life. But through it all, you will have peace. You will both strive to put the other first, even when it’s not easy. If he or she is the one God designed for you, you will know it. You won’t be constantly questioning it, worrying about it, or wondering “what if…?” You will know. God will make it clear. Trust His voice. Trust His peace.

My husband and I have been blessed with an incredibly happy, peaceful, joyful marriage. I believe part of that is because we chose not to settle for anything less than God’s best for us! Before I met my husband, I made a tough choice. I have always been a romantic and finding “the one” was my biggest dream in life. But one day, I made a deliberate choice to never settle. I had seen a good amount of decent marriages, but I’d also seen a few incredible marriages. And I decided right then and there to never settle for less than the incredible. To never marry until I knew 100% that God had chosen this person for me. I decided that I would rather never marry, than marry someone but live my life wondering “what if?” I realized for the first time that I might be single for the rest of my life, and I made the choice to be okay with it. To tell God He was free to have His way with my life—that I would follow Him no matter what.

One week later I met my husband.

God’s timing is the best! I encourage you to concentrate first and foremost on your relationship with God, and to be okay with His plans for your life. Never settle for less than God’s best for you!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7, NIV

This article was originally published in the Summer 2018 issue of YS.

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