It’s almost impossible to avoid interaction with people online today. Between social media and texting, we interact with others online about everything. Learning how to navigate interactions online can be difficult because the Internet takes away our ability to read non-verbal clues and vocal tones. The joke our friends tells in person becomes misunderstood when they send it in a text. Sure, we can add emojis or say “just kidding” right after, but it’s not the same. 

When it comes to being kind on the Internet, I tend to overdo it with politeness so that there can be no confusion. I overuse exclamation points and emojis because I don’t want my message to be misunderstood. But is that really the best way? Learning good media habits is a lifelong process that only benefits us to learn. The list below includes habits I have built over the years to ensure the message of kindness. 

I don’t say mean things. This seems obvious. But once, I had a friend who was complaining that her haircut was not what she wanted. She was stressed about it and so I spent about an hour trying to convince her that it was a good style for her. She finally seemed okay with it and posted a picture of her new cut. I thought I would be funny and wrote, “Yikes!” under the picture. As you can imagine, it made her feel awful. What I thought would be a funny inside joke turned out to really hurt my friend. I stopped saying things that would even hint at being unkind. 

“Help me to understand.” It doesn’t take a genius to see that social media can be a very unfriendly space if you post something that someone doesn’t agree with. Instead of posting reasons you think this person is wrong, use the phrase, “Help me to understand.” It creates a conversation instead of arguing. I had a friend who posted on his social media that “Jesus would definitely support XYZ because it was ‘scriptural’.” Nothing I have ever read in the Bible would leave me with that conclusion. Instead of commenting on verses that proved his ignorance, I asked him to help me to understand. He clarified, and while he was still wrong, I was able to see what he was thinking. 

Let it go. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is not engage. Keep scrolling. Not everything needs our opinion or defense. In the previous example, my friend was very wrong, but he was also not looking for other lines of thinking. I thanked him for clarifying and then I had to keep moving. Starting an online argument with him would have just hurt our friendship and damaged my witness. If I am a Christian, then the words I speak (or type) and the way I treat others are examples of His love for the world. I never want my words or actions to point others away from Christ. 

Talk about hard topics in person. The world disagrees on so many levels. But it is harder to write someone off when you are looking into their eyes. One of my favorite quotes is by Pastor Anthony Miller of Saddleback Church, “You will never look into the eyes of someone Jesus does not love.” When we talk about hard things in person, we see the person we are arguing with and not just their profile picture. It is much easier to be gracious in person.

Be extra kind. Find ways to encourage people online. My friend Harryette spends a part of her busy week intentionally encouraging others online. She’s a gifted encourager. And because she is constantly putting kindness out there, people never mistake her comments for anything except love. Even if she posted something ambiguous, people would see it through a lens of kindness because they know her heart. Be like Harryette. Spread kindness.

Taylor Swift once said, “No matter what happens in life, be good to people.” Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31). The kindness that you show to others is part of that command. If we begin all our online interactions with the desire to emulate Jesus in our lives, kindness will flow naturally. Notice that Jesus did not say to love only the neighbors that love you back—He calls us to love everyone no matter what. 

We cannot change the way that people think by being unkind in our interactions. The only thing that will change is their opinion of us. Instead of worrying about what people say, we should focus to worrying about if our interactions with others model the love that Jesus has for them. 

I haven’t always chosen kindness—much to my chagrin. But the times when I did choose to be kind, I have never regretted those interactions. When in doubt, remember the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

For further study

Teen Breathe, a teen magazine produced in Australia, is a go-to guide for teens and tweens, encouraging health, happiness, creativity, and mindfulness. Their article 10 Ways To Be Kind Online offers quick tips on how to be kind on the Internet. 

10 Ways to Be Kind Online

1. Practice good netiquette— Don’t type in all capital letters. Ask yourself is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary?
2. Send short, polite, direct messages. 
3. Post encouraging reviews. 
4. Share good news. 
5. Think the best of people. 
6. Post funny stuff. 
7. Practice positivity. 
8. Fundraising/Supporting other fundraisers. 
9. Share positive information. 
10. Follow online groups and communities who promote kindness. 

This article was originally titled “Screen Kind” in the October 2023 issue of Peer.