I opened the glass door to an outside garden of carefully arranged cement blocks that were as tall as me. The other side of the garden was out of sight, but the walkways between the blocks invited me to step outside. As I walked, the blocks seemed to grow taller and taller until they were looming over me. The path became uneven and treacherous and I had to lean against the blocks for support. My anxiety was rising. I felt disoriented and my muscles tensed up. How would I get out? How did I get there? It grew darker and colder … and too quiet. I wanted to go home. 

I was at a museum installation, known as the Garden of Exile in Berlin, Germany. 

The feeling of  what it’s like to leave home to go somewhere new is common. Even when transitions move us into something we really want—like going to college or getting that dream job—they can cause an uneasy disequilibrium for us.  

It’s no wonder that 94 percent of college students experience some homesickness during that first year. This longing for home, when coupled with paralyzing anxiety and overwhelming grief, can cause students to fail out—or drop out—of school. Some even develop mental health issues. However, for most students, the homesickness dissipates over time, especially if they are intentional about engaging in their new community and caring for themselves.  

Here are a few suggestions for keeping the garden of transition from growing into a daunting jungle of fear. 

How to Navigate This Transition

Face Your Fear. Without normal routines and stability, our imaginations can run wild. We worry about unknowns. Our self-confidence is shaken. This makes the transition to college even scarier than college itself. Author Marilyn Ferguson captures this so well: “It’s not so much that we’re afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it’s that place in between that we fear … It’s like being in between trapezes. It’s Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There’s nothing to hold on to.”  But anxiety goes away when we “walk into the fear,” when we face what we are afraid of. By stepping into the scary transition to college, we actually find college isn’t that scary after all.  

Lean Into Faith. Part of our fear is wondering if we can actually “do college.” Moses knew this sense of inadequacy when God recruited him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. God’s response to Moses was simple: “I will be with you” (Exodus 3:12). God, likewise, is with us, and our spiritual practices keep us connected with Him in necessary ways. Despite the pressures of friends and all the mandatory tasks, take time to pray, to be in the Word and to journal. Take a nature walk; look at the sky in awe. Find a new church community. Looking into the eyes of Jesus will help you to not be so focused on the waves and storms around you (Mark 4:35-41).  

Be Flexible. College will not be the same as being at home. Almost everything will be new and different: schedule, food, roommates, classes. We can better adjust to these uncontrollable things when we tether ourselves to those non-changing forces in our lives, like our family, hobbies and especially God. If we don’t learn to bend, we break.  

Stay (Somewhat) Connected. Allow yourself to grieve that you are missing out on some things back home. Acknowledge that you miss your friends, family and your bedroom. Stay connected with a regular call or text, and maybe even a visit, but put limits around these connections. If you fiercely stay connected to what’s back home, you will not be able to jump into your new community and experience, and your homesickness likely will worsen.  

Sleep. Without your home routine, you will find yourself tempted by friends, social media, campus activities, schoolwork and even homesickness to stay up late at night. Before you know it, you are awake at night and sleeping during the day, with anxiety, depression and possibly even physical illness taking root. Aim for eight hours of sleep a night with a consistent wake up time every morning. Of course, add in other self-care activities, like a healthy diet and exercise. Your body and mind have God-ordained limits to what they can do.  

Extend Grace. When people are in transition, they are not their best selves. Yes, you are the one going to college, but your parents have “lost” their child who’s gone to college, your old friends fear they will be forgotten, and your new friends are still trying to figure out this college thing. In transition, people get emotional, and they say and do things that they normally wouldn’t. Give them space to make mistakes or to struggle; give yourself space to do the same. And then respond to them, and to yourself, in grace. 

Get Help if You Need It. Transitioning to college, and to the world of work if you are graduating, can be incredibly scary and hard, and sometimes, too much. Look for the warning signs that you need help: poor self-care, being overwhelmed, getting stuck in negative emotions, physical ailments, exhaustion or addictive or harmful behaviors. If this is you, reach out to someone, whether that’s a parent, a friend, a residential advisor, a professor, a counselor or a campus chaplain. We were not created to walk alone, especially through such difficult seasons.  

Trust in The Transition. Not being able to clearly see what is coming over your college years is actually God’s grace at work. If we could fully see, we would likely panic, refuse to go or mess it up somehow. Instead, our gracious God reveals each step when we need to see it and not a moment too early. Think about Abraham at the beginning of his story (Genesis 12). God asked him to leave everything familiar for something completely unknown. God’s call did not include specific coordinates, just a call to go, and God revealed His plan one step at a time. College is a perfect time to practice walking in faith.   

Establish a New Normal. Being in the college environment removes so much of our familiar structures and routines, while introducing greater independence, freedom and exposure to new and problematic things. We can easily get lost in all of it. Establishing a “new normal,” like a new routine and structure, with healthy boundaries, allows you to fulfill your increasing responsibilities of course work, finances, employment and caring for your own mental health. Keep a calendar, and schedule times to study, rest and pray. 

Embrace the Change. College is a once-in-a-lifetime, temporary experience. If we resist for too long, we’ll miss our chance to enjoy it. Civil rights activist Nikki Giovanni noted that, “A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you’re in and take advantage of it.” So, regardless of how you are feeling, jump in. Go to class. Get involved (but not in everything!). Join a student group. Talk to a peer and a professor. Take risks. Travel if you have the opportunity.  

As a college professor, I have seen hundreds of students transform. They enter college with their fears and insecurities, adapt to the transition, find their “new normal” and then leave as competent and confident young people ready to face the world. It happens every year. Have hope! While this transition to college, and the one into the world of work, may be hard for a little while, God wants to use these to form you more and more into the image of Christ, and what you become will be remarkably beautiful.  

This article was originally titled “The Garden of Transition” in the September 2024 issue of Peer Magazine.