“The price we pay for community is inconvenience.” 

This phrase has spread widely on social media in the last year as Gen Z continues to articulate their deep longing for community and connection. 

Third spaces, like churches, libraries, and parks, are becoming increasingly scarce with each passing day. Meanwhile, most adults spend most of their time not in physical spaces, but digital — with the average American spending over 10 hours on the Internet each day, according to a national survey conducted by Optimum. 

Biblical Friendship

As Christians, we worship God, who is relational. Being made in His image means that we are relational, too (Genesis 1:26, Genesis 2:18). We are living against the grain if we live as individuals and not communally. But in this modern era of human history, most adults’ lifestyles are not always conducive to community. 

Friendship worked in biblical times differently than how it works today. Work, school and church overlapped in each community. Today, that may be the case in some communities, but for most individuals, these spheres remain separate. Christians today need to be creative in seeking out ways to overlap these spaces (work, school, and church), even if it feels minimal. In those overlapped spaces, we can create intentional communities. Cheesiness aside, we need to try to bloom where we are planted — more than that, where God has planted us!      

Our Lives May Look Different

Adulthood is often the first time when your peers’ life seasons look radically different. 

I experienced this when I graduated from college. I went to an evangelical Christian college that emphasized community, and my transition into early adulthood was especially jarring. 

When I graduated, I wasn’t seeing my friends every day anymore. I forced myself to integrate new rhythms and routines to make room for friendship. With a desire to be connected with others, I reiterated that I was made to be turned toward other people, not myself. But it felt so hard at first. 

Within a friend group at school, although each person’s lifestyle is unique, each person’s general responsibilities and schedules looked similar — with at least one shared experience. That shared context, during youth, became the foundation for friendships. But then years went by. The number of shared experiences shrank, and friendship felt harder. 

Cultivating community as we get older is inconvenient. 

But it is worth the inconvenience. 

But Cultivating Community Is Worth It

When somebody is struggling with their mental health, they will oftentimes isolate themselves from community — the one thing they need most. When I have struggled with my mental health, the last thing I wanted to do was connect with someone. But having routines with my friends reminded me that I already have plans on the calendar, keeping me accountable and avoiding the inclination to pull back when I thought I needed to. 

In a cover story for the American Psychological Association, writer  Zara Abrams wrote about how cultivating adult friendships brings an assortment of benefits for one’s mental health, including lowering heart rates when spending time with friends. These benefits protect from mental health issues such as depression and anxiety, and add to an overall longer lifespan. While those benefits are worth exploring, I find the effects listed in the report of not having close personal ties even more interesting. 

People with no friends or poor-quality friendships are twice as likely to die prematurely, according to a professor’s meta-analysis of more than 308,000 people — a risk factor even greater than the effects of smoking 20 cigarettes per day. After reading that statistic, I am ready to host a dinner party. We are wired for relationships. We aren’t supposed to be spending this much isolated time with ourselves. 

While the environment we live in is radically different than the environments found throughout Scripture, we can still learn about friendship from the Bible. My favorite verse regarding friendship is in the New Testament. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13, NIV). 

I will jokingly quote this verse to my friends when they let me choose the restaurant or when they bend to somebody else’s decision in a group setting. It’s my way of acknowledging them for putting another person’s interests first, and letting them know that, in a small way, they are mirroring the life of Jesus. A commitment to friendship looks like being willing to be inconvenienced and being open to visiting ordinary places where friendship may be waiting. 

I live in southern California, and currently, the temperatures are winding down and the sun is setting as early as 4 p.m. — making it easy to stay on the couch for the night. However, my community group at church has committed to dinners together on Sunday evenings to help combat the “Sunday Scaries.” No matter the temperature outside, we spend these Sunday evenings together — whether that’s hitting the beach or staying in and enjoying a meal together. 

This is an example of what Substack writer, Katherine Goldstein, loosely refers to “deep casual hosting” as “a low time and energy supplement to help build regular connections.” Goldstein emphasizes that often what holds us back from hosting is our unreasonable expectations that come along with it. She encourages readers to embrace the space they have, cooking simple instead of impressive meals and to focus more on minimal mess than sparkling cleanliness. When the standards are gently lowered for our hosting, it becomes simpler and more frequent. 

Gathering around a table is something the Church has been doing for centuries. Join a history rich with hospitality and plan a casual gathering with your loved ones. It may be inconvenient at first, but as you are scraping plates clean, you will think to yourself, I need to do this more.

This article was originally titled “Inconvenient Friendships” in the February 2026 issue of Peer.