Have you ever felt like something was missing from your life, even when everything seemed fine on the surface?

That was me at 16 years old. 

Now I’m 21 and at college, and a lot has changed. That might seem obvious — of course, things seem different. I’m in a new season. I’ve grown. My circumstances have shifted. I’ve gained more experience, more perspective, and a little more wisdom.

But as I look back, one difference stands out above the rest:

At 16 years old, I didn’t know Jesus.

I was going to church. I had Christian parents. I called myself a Christian. I was on the student leadership team, leading worship, attending Bible studies.

Yet I didn’t know Him.

What do I mean by that? 

I didn’t understand that knowing Jesus changes everything. That when you truly accept Him, Jesus doesn’t just become a part of your life, but He becomes your whole life. (That might sound overwhelming, but I promise, it’s in the best way!) 

He becomes your whole life because you finally realize He’s the only one who can fill that deep, empty void inside your soul — the one you’ve been trying to fill your whole life. 

For me, that emptiness looked like loneliness and purposelessness. I had lost my closest friends. My church was falling apart. I had no motivation for anything. I kept basing my identity on sports, academics, and what people thought of me — and it was exhausting.

At church, I heard about God’s love and transformation. But for me, it was all head knowledge. It didn’t change the way I lived my life. 

Until one night when I hit a breaking point. I was lying in bed and  staring at the ceiling, and I just felt hopeless. I wasn’t even sure what I believed anymore. But for the first time, I cried out to God — not because I necessarily even wanted Him, but because I had nowhere else to turn.

A few weeks later, I ended up at a youth retreat. During worship, one lyric kept playing over and over again:

“It may look like I’m surrounded, but I’m surrounded by You.” 

It was such a simple idea: that we are always surrounded by God. But in that moment, I felt it. 

I felt like God saw me: He saw all those nights I was crying in my room, He saw me when my friends left, He saw me when I felt like I had no one — and not only did He see me, but He was there.

As I stood in that room, surrounded by people who didn’t know what I was going through, I felt surrounded by the presence of a God who did. I can’t explain it any other way other than it felt supernatural. 

That realization changed everything.

It changed the way I saw the world. Suddenly, all the things I had been carrying — loneliness, hopelessness, confusion — felt smaller in comparison to the love I had just encountered. It wasn’t that my problems disappeared. It was that now I had someone to walk through them with. A hope to cling to. A love to hold onto. A Savior who wouldn’t let go.

And that truth has followed me into every ordinary day since.

Now, when I wake up, I don’t just face the day with my own strength. I face it knowing I’m not alone, that the God who created the universe is with and for me. That changes how I treat people, how I respond to stress and how I walk through pain. It makes me kinder. It makes me more patient, more forgiving. Not because I’m perfect — but because I know what it feels like to be deeply loved by a perfect God.

Since that night at the retreat, I’ve experienced incredible joys and deep lows. There have been moments where it’s been hard to feel God and feel His presence, and times when I’ve questioned where He is. But even in those moments, I remember what I’ve learned to be true: 

• Even when I don’t feel Him, He’s there.
• Even when I don’t see Him, He’s there.
• Even when I feel like I’m alone, He’s still surrounding me.

So, what’s the biggest difference between 16-year-old me and the person I am today? 

I know Jesus.

More than time, more than age, more than experience — the biggest difference lies in knowing Jesus. Jesus is the reason I’ve changed. I’m more joyful, more grounded, more secure — not because of anything I’ve done, but because I know how much God loves and cares about me. 

Experience can shape you. Time can teach you. But Jesus transforms you.

I’m not just talking about believing in Him. I’m talking about knowing Him. The kind of knowing that changes how you live and who you become.

Knowing Jesus didn’t just change me. It saved me.

And I hope you know — He can save you too.

This article was originally titled “Knowing You, Knowing Him” in the September 2025 issue of Peer.