You’ve probably felt it before. The pressure that says if you don’t find “the one,” you’re missing out on your happily ever after.

I felt that pressure too. I used to think love would come with fireworks and butterflies in my stomach — like the spark you see in movies or hear about in love songs. I assumed I would know when I met the right person, and that anything less meant I was settling.

But when I met the woman who would become my wife, none of that happened. Instead, two friends showed up for each other, day after day, until that deep friendship grew into love.

It flipped my whole idea of “love at first sight” upside down and left me asking: Does God really create one perfect person for each of us? If so, how are we supposed to find them in a planet of over eight billion people? The odds make it sound almost impossible — like trying to win the lottery, get struck by lightning, and get attacked by a shark all on the same day.

And that got me wondering: If the odds are really that crazy, why do so many of us continue to believe in this soulmate idea? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to back up and wonder where this idea of soulmates came from. If we’re all carrying this weight, we should know whether it’s something God actually said — or something culture made up.

Where Does the Idea of Soulmates Come From?

The idea of a soulmate doesn’t come from the Bible at all — it comes from Greek philosophy. In Plato’s “Symposium,” Aristophanes described humans as originally created with four arms, four legs, and two faces. According to legend, Zeus split them in half, and ever since, people have searched for their “other half” to feel complete.

That idea has resonated throughout history and shaped much of our modern storytelling. Fairy tales, romantic comedies, and social media all push the same message: your happiness depends on finding the one person who was destined for you.

But Scripture paints a very different picture: Our wholeness is found in Christ, not in another human being (Colossians 2:10).

Marriage, Found Within Scripture

In the very beginning, Scripture gave us God’s vision for marriage. In Genesis 2, God created Eve not as Adam’s missing “half,” but as a partner to join with him in the work of leading God’s creation. Marriage is described as two becoming one flesh — a sacred promise before God, designed for companionship, fruitfulness, and reflecting His image.

Jesus reaffirmed this in Matthew 19, teaching that marriage is established by God: “Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” (Matthew 19:6). Not by fate or destiny. 

At the same time, the New Testament honors both marriage and singleness. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul described singleness as a gift that allows unique freedom to serve God, while also affirming marriage as a lifelong commitment given by Him. Both paths are holy, reminding us that our identity and purpose come from Christ, not relationship status.

Of course, the Bible has recorded moments where God directed someone to a specific spouse — like when Abraham’s servant was led to Rebekah for Isaac (Genesis 24), or when the prophet Hosea was commanded to marry Gomer as a living picture of God’s love for His people (Hosea 1:2). Even Joseph and Mary’s marriage was uniquely orchestrated as part of God’s plan for Christ’s birth.

But these are rare assignments within God’s redemptive story, not universal templates for how all relationships must begin.

For most of us, God leads through wisdom, prayer, godly counsel, and the circumstances of our lives. Within His guidance, He gives us genuine freedom. There may be hundreds, if not thousands, of people in this world with whom you could build a Christ-honoring marriage.

Who you meet and eventually choose will often be shaped by where you live, the friendships you form, where you go to school, the church you attend, or your career path. That doesn’t make love random or meaningless — it shows us that “the one” isn’t hidden in some maze we have to figure out but discovered in the real places God has already planted us. Within those contexts, He gives us the freedom to choose wisely while resting in the confidence that His purposes will prevail.

Is Believing in Soulmates Harmful?

Believing in soulmates might feel exciting at first, but it often creates problems in real relationships. 

1. It creates unrealistic expectations.

If you believe God has made a perfect person just for you, every flaw or disagreement in marriage might feel like proof you chose the wrong one. But marriage is about two imperfect individuals learning to love each other. 

2. It elevates marriage above singleness.

If soulmates were real, singleness would mean incompleteness. Yet Scripture never treats singles as halves waiting to be made whole. Both marriage and singleness are good paths to pursue, and neither outweighs the other in His Kingdom. 

3. It shifts our hope away from God.

When we look to a soulmate to make us whole, we put expectations on a person that only God can fulfill. That invites disappointment and idolatry. Only Christ satisfies the deepest longings of the human heart (John 6:35).

What the Bible Actually Teaches About Love and Marriage

Instead of searching for “the one,” Scripture emphasizes godly wisdom and faithfulness. It doesn’t give us a formula for finding a perfect match but rather outlines principles that shape how we pursue love and build relationships.

• Commitment, not destiny. Marriage is a relationship that reflects God’s faithful love for His church. The question isn’t whether someone is “the one,” but whether you will keep your vows by God’s grace. Once you say “I do,” that person becomes your one.
• Compatibility through shared faith. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, believers are warned not to be “unequally yoked.” Shared faith in Christ is the foundation for true compatibility.
• Guidance through wisdom and prayer. God doesn’t give secret clues about who to marry. Instead, through His Word, prayer, wise counsel, and everyday circumstances, He shows us the kind of person to pursue and equips us to choose wisely.
• Christ as our true fulfillment. The biggest problem with the soulmate belief is that it gives a spouse a role that belongs only to Christ. Marriage is a gift, but it is not life’s ultimate goal. Christ is.

In fact, the idea of a “soulmate” can actually rob love of its true beauty. If love is simply destiny, it isn’t really love at all — it’s inevitability. But Scripture reveals something far richer: Love is a choice. Just as Christ chose to lay His life down for us, we too reflect Him when we choose to commit, forgive, and remain faithful even when it’s hard. That kind of love is not less romantic — it’s far more.

The Greater Love Story

Looking back, I’m grateful God didn’t script my love story according to cultural myths. If I had waited for fireworks and butterflies, I might have missed what He was building in front of me. My wife wasn’t my missing half — she was a faithful friend whose character, faith, and kindness drew me closer to Jesus. But as our friendship grew, so did my awareness of her beauty and character. What began as friendship naturally blossomed into love. 

And that’s the point: Real love doesn’t depend on some magical soulmate, but grows out of commitment, shared faith, and God’s transforming work in us. Believing in soulmates might sound like a fairy tale, but it can leave us disappointed when reality doesn’t match expectations. God’s story is far better: in Christ, you are already complete. Whether you pursue marriage or singleness, your joy is secure in Him.

Marriage is not the finish line of life. It is one of the many paths that God uses to shape Christ in us. And if you’re single, you are not incomplete — you already have the truest intimacy and security in Christ. Marriage may or may not be a part of your story, but Jesus always will be.

Regardless of your relationship status, the highest calling of your life will always remain: to be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). In the end, our hope is not in finding “the one,” but in belonging to the One who gave His life for us. That is the love that we are made for.

This article was originally titled “Your Other Half” in the February 2026 issue of Peer.